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Post by ~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~ on Nov 16, 2003 23:08:23 GMT -5
This topic is for problems you'd like to talk about and need answers to. I won't give advice, or tell you what to do, but I will suggest options that could help you decide what you can do yourself. Please let's just keep this topic on-topic discussion in so far as questions and answers for Dear Chatty okay? Thanks. Everyone is welcomed to post suggestions, but let's just keep it on-topic though okay?
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 17, 2003 22:03:16 GMT -5
Cool idea Kit!!
I have a problem:
Dear Chatty,
I have this friend at school who is like my best friend, when were alone. But as soon as someone else is w/ us, one of my friends, one of her friends, another kid, a teacher, anyone she acts like a real jerk, and makes fun of me, everyone loves her, her little "jokes", that ae more than just jokes to me, they like everything about her, so when I tell then what she's like to me they think I nuts, and I end up losing a friend. All the teachers love her too, she's the one with the 81%, me the one w/ the 98.2%(report cards today) and they love her, she even has this one keychain that she calls the ground rules for caitlin:
Don't look at me
Don't touch me
Don't breath on me
She shows all the teachers and kids it, they all start laughing at me, and the teacher even tell her she's right, and they spend five minutes making fun of me, in homeroom whenI'm too inches away.
This girl, let's just call her Andrea, always acts like she didn't do anything, and it's so hard for me to hate Andrea cause of how nice she is when were alone. And I can't tell anyone about her cause everyone loves her, even the guidence counselor didn't take me seriously when I told her, she just said it would clear up (she loves Andrea too!). I think I just need a break, she lives a block away, has been in my homeroom for three straight year, and because of the stupid alphabet, has had the locker next to me for 3 yeas too. Plus we have almost all the same friends.
Advice needed,
someone w/ and unfaithful friend aka Catie
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Andi
Whitelighter
Wrinkles are only where smiles have been.
Posts: 487
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Post by Andi on Nov 17, 2003 22:22:21 GMT -5
Well CC let's see here now, you say that she makes fun of you in front of other people, but not when you're alone with her? Well, you could talk to her about it. But, you'll have to diffuse her defensiveness beforehand, so you might say to her "Andrea, you are the coolest friend. I really love spending time alone with you doing stuff. I don't want to offend you in ANY way, but I need to tell you how I feel when we're in public together." then tell her how you feel. Ya know, I'll bet she doesn't even realize that she's doing that. So, go easy on her and give her a chance to do it right. Now, keep in mind these are JUST suggestions, NOT advice. You have to make up your own mind and words to say. ;D  ;D |
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Post by ~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~ on Nov 17, 2003 23:04:44 GMT -5
Andi read my mind....... good suggestions.
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 19, 2003 19:07:03 GMT -5
I've tried most of that Andi, but I guess I'll have to try again, thanx!!
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Andi
Whitelighter
Wrinkles are only where smiles have been.
Posts: 487
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Post by Andi on Nov 19, 2003 23:37:47 GMT -5
Well what did she say when you told her before that she belittles you in front of others and no one else sees it?
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 20, 2003 12:26:41 GMT -5
She acts like she never did anything, I tell her what she does alot, she says she doesn't and keeps doing it.
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Post by ~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~ on Nov 20, 2003 13:21:45 GMT -5
Then all I can say, is if it bothers you that much, distance yourself from the problem..... she can't be your only friend, just be cordial to her and speak to her when spoken to, but just don't hang around her as much, find other interests..... why should you have to have one person dominate your entire existance? Develop the inner strength to find how you can become more dependent upon yourself, if need be speak to an adult who is compassionate that is outside the "spell" of this individual and seek counsel from them, then do it. This individual is obviously oblivious and unapproachably in denial of the entire situation...... you've done what you can it sounds like short of taping her conversations around you (which is ill advised since it is illegal to record a conversation unless the person is aware that they are being taped which would defeat the purpose), seek counsel from an unbaised adult. Just a suggestion.........
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Andi
Whitelighter
Wrinkles are only where smiles have been.
Posts: 487
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Post by Andi on Nov 20, 2003 15:25:27 GMT -5
Great suggestions Kat. I would say the same CC. Don't hang yourself on one friend, there's more people out there that will be your friend and won't belittle you at all, ever.
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 20, 2003 15:35:58 GMT -5
I know, and she's not my only friend, only, I've had all of my friends for awhile, and she seems to take it upon herself to become "best-buds" with any of them, even my new friends I've made just this years, now all they want to do is hang out with andrea.
As I think I said, I'm in her homeroom, our lockers are next to eachothers(three years in a row) art, and lunch (same table, cause of the same friend thing), and I live a street away, so it's nearly imposible to distance my self.
Plus she's even trying to take my best friend, the one I've been friends with since the 1st grade. She lives on andrea's street, and isn't in our grade, so whenever I go there and andrea sees my bike, she rings, let's see, a good name is Rachel, rachel's door bell, invites her self in, and expects us to stop hanging out, and play with her. The hole time treating me like are jerk, and eating rachel's food, and fooling around untill her mom calls her top come home. It's like I can't even have my own friends.
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Andi
Whitelighter
Wrinkles are only where smiles have been.
Posts: 487
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Post by Andi on Nov 20, 2003 15:43:21 GMT -5
Wow, that's a drag. Well, when you're at you're other friends' house and she comes over and invites herself in, tell you're friend what she does and that you'll have no part of it, and leave. I'll bet if you leave enough times that she comes around you, she'll get the hint. That's hard too when you're lockers are right next to each other, but just ignore her, if she talks to you, be nice, but give her short answers and don't elaborate on anything, in other words, don't have a conversation with her. Don't sit next to her at the lunch table either, just ignore her as best as you can. I know it's hard and you think that you'll loose all you're other friends, but you won't if you stand up for yourself and follow through with what you say. You're other friends will respect you more. ;D
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 20, 2003 15:48:21 GMT -5
I hope so  |
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Post by ~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~ on Nov 20, 2003 16:24:07 GMT -5
Look at it this way, if they were truly your friends, would they treat you that way? Andi's right, either they are true friends or "fair" weather friends ~ meaning they're only around you for some other reason than being a true friend. In other words they would be classified as "acquaintances". Only true friends stick with you no matter what. If "Rachel" falls under the category as a "true" friend, then'll you'll have nothing to worry about, but if she ends up being a "fair" weather friend... wouldn't you like to know now rather than when the chips came down and you really needed her for something. Try what Andi said, you don't have to devulge your thoughts and dreams or anything at all to this "Andrea" other than "good morning" or "Hi", just the pleasant "light" conversation. If you choose to talk with it to "Rachel" then be prepared for one of two things to happen........ 1.) If she knows you that well, she'll stand by you and be there when you need her, or 2.) She'll laugh and say you're imagining things. Either way, you'll know where you stand, and that is far superior than trying to guess what people think of you, or how they will react to you..... you can't please everyone as you will find is more the rule than the exception in the real world as you get older.... good luck.
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Post by CharmingChick418 on Nov 20, 2003 17:08:39 GMT -5
"Rachel" is a true friend, and she knows andrea bothers me, but andrea is her friend too, so she doesn't want to hurt her.
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Andi
Whitelighter
Wrinkles are only where smiles have been.
Posts: 487
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Post by Andi on Nov 20, 2003 22:22:25 GMT -5
Well then I'd say she's a fair weather friend and not a true friend if you think that she'll stick with this "Andrea". But, you won't know until you do something about it, right?
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