Dear Chatty

[TrustNo1SM]

yeah I will tell her that. Thanks Libra

[libra254]

no problem, just trying to help out.

[~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~]

excellant suggestions/opinions libra.

[Andi]

Good job Libra. That's what I would've said. Depending on how she feels about him, maybe they could still be friends.

Just a thought. ;D

[TrustNo1SM]

Ok I need more addvice, well more of an opinion.
My Cat and my moms cat have been getting into cat fight the last three day, and I mean cat fights to where we have actually had to seperate them.
My cat Max was acting really weird on saturday and then he just like attacked my mom's cat Jasmine. But then on sunday Jasmine attacked him. but he was acting normal. So we don't know whether there is something wrong with him and Jasmine seses it or vis versa. But these two have lived together all their lives and have never fought. What do you guys think?

[~charmin*shele~]

ash ~ are they both fixed ?? if not ~ it might be that they don't like the scent of the other ~ but if they are ~ they still just might not like the other !! like people do !! hehe !! they have additude just as people do !! also ~ are they both the same sex ?? if not they might just be getting ready to mate ~ if they are they might be marking territory !! ~hope i helped ;D

[TrustNo1SM]

Max (male) is fixed but Jasmine (female isn't)
and now it is Jasmine who has been starting fights. Yesterday she walked right into our computer room and just smacked Max. SO Max is scared of her now.

[wildcat14]

cats will do that, we have four. and jr always pics fights with the other 3 vice versa

[Cain]

OK my comment is to the original question.. Not the Cat Fighting one...

----------------------------------

Well let me jump right in here.. I'm an old fart and have been around the block a time or two.

Unfortunately, you will find that some people think they need to put others down to make themselves look better..

Folks like that often have some deep-seeded insecurities. She knows you are smarter than she is, and probably have other things that make her feel inferior. That is why she puts you down in front of others, to try to make herself look better.

I agree with the others here who posted that if she will not stop insulting you (because that is what she really does) then you may want to slowly migrate to other people who like to make you feel good about yourself.

The problem is hers and she will be the one who loses something worth having....your friendship..

Take care,

-- Cain

[~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~]

From one "old fart" to another...... beautifully put Cain and thanks for sharing your thoughts

[Andi]

From the other old fart here, I agree.

[hotlips70]

Can I try to help alittle? This is what I would do..... You may want to ask "Rachel" not to have "Andrea" over when your over. If they live next door to each other then they should be able to see each other other times. Don't go over there everyday if she says yes, for that would not be fair. But do try and help your friend out by not making her choose. (Sorry that sounds like advice huh?I'm not telling you what to do AKA:"The this is what I would do") hope that helps alittle

[Newlycharmed]

[glow=red,2,300]Ok I saw Dear Chatty and figured this would be the place to come get some advice..and trust me I need it. This is a looooooooooong story and I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/glow] I'm also going to post it on my message board too.

I work for a semi pro basketball league part-time doing play-by-play (calling). I first started doing it over at my school. During Christmas break we were working with a skeleton staff because all of the other students lived so far away. So our sports information guy had to get outside help. So he asked this guy who we'll call "Jim" to come work for us. I'm the type of person that when someone new comes in I'm going to say hi and ask them if I can help them with anything that they need. So "Jin" and I started talking and we got along well. He worked with us for about 6 or 7 games and then the rest of the staff was back. After his last game was over we started talkingand we switched e-mails to keep in touch. He told me that this semi-pro league would need a caller for their games and asked could he recommend me. I told him yes, cuz' what college student couldn't use a little extra cash? So that required me to give him my phone number, which I did. I had come home for a long weekend and I was online and he sent me an IM. We started talking about how work was going for him and how school and work was going for me. Then he told me he wanted to thank me for helping him feel welcome when he showed up because he can be very self-conscious and shy. I guess I should describe him to you guys now. I really hope I sound superficial when I describe him because honestly looks don't mean that much to me, but.........
He's roughly about 45-46 years old, 5'8-5'9", has a bad combover, and he is morbidly obese (well over 300 lbs).
So then he starts talking about how he wants to take me to dinner to thank me and stuff. And I just told him that I do that for everyone that I meet, it's just how I was brought up there was no need to thank me more than he already has. So he must have asked me out to dinner about 20 times and I told him I would get back to him. (I didn't really know him at that point, for all I know he could've been a serial killer or something.)
Needless to say I got the job for the team upstate, and I am one of two women at the press row desk. You get to know everyone, from the head coaches (some of them formeer NBA stars), to the players, to the owners. I got along with everyybody real well, and Jim wasn't there the first few games because he was doing arena football. When the football was done he called me and asked me if I needed a ride to the game (I had known him now for roughly 5-6 months) so I said sure (it also saved me $25 worth of transportation).
We started up friendly conversation and I was telling him about my partying days in college and how a big group of friends would always go out. Then he says, "Well when I went to college I didn't have many friends......." So quickly that convo died out. Somehow the topic turned to family, and I told him that I was a very family oriented person. He then come back with, "Well I really didn't know a lot about my family because I was born in "Westwood". So I didn't think anything of it and went on talking. He stops me and asks, "You don't know what Westwood is do you?" And of course I replied with a no. He then says, "It's a mental institution. They tell me my mother had problems." At that point I was trying to figure out why this guy is telling me this during a car ride, and our first car ride together matter of fact. Needless to say it was a pretty silent car ride after that. I started to get a little nervous and kept my cell phone near me cuz' I didn't know if he was going to do anything or not. We did the game(he was in every conversation that I was trying to have with my input guy so I really didn't talk much that game), and then we headed home. The car ride home was uneventful I don't know maybe he thought that he had told me enough on this first ride. He drops me off at my house, and I turn to say bye and he grabs me and gives me this monstrous hug, but after about the normal length of a hug (what is that around 5-6 seconds) I notice that he hasn't let go yet. So I said, "Ok let me get inside." He finally lets go 10 seconds later and I go in the house. I still didn't think anything of it.......
During the next to last car ride that we had together we got to the arena and we were walking inside. A couple of the parking guys said hello and I said hi back (like I said I'm friendly and I have gotten to know them). When we got inside Jim turns to me and say, "You know they were checking you out. You must get that alot." So I just told him that I really didn't think anything of it and kept going. Now I know I'm not ugly, but I'm also not drop dead gorgeous. I'm your typical/normal girl, who pulls her hair back in a pony tail and throws on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt during the day, no makeup nothing. I'm just average.
Once again we got in the car to ride home. And he told me again about how nice I was to him and how I made him feel so comfortable. I came back with "It's nothing that I would do different for anybody else that I had met. I've always been the joker of my family and friends. And if I see that one of them is upset I'm going to try and make them laugh or smile." So then he said, "God where were you when my first girlfriend got killed?" Now a couple of things went off in my head at that point:#1 Why are you telling me this? #2 Killed?
#3 Should I fear for my life at this point? Once again it got real quiet and it stayed like that till I got home where once again it was a very long hug.
The last game that I did I took the train up. At one of the other games that Jim wasn't at I had gotten to know a couple of the basketball players real well. So they kept asking me when we were going to hang out and I told them I would let them know because they live a little far away from me. I had switched phone numbers with the center "Paul" on the team (a real sweetie) and we had been talking to each other all week. I really didn't know how to tell Jim that he wasn't really what I was looking for and that me and Paul were talking. I didn't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings.
When I walked into the arena Jim was already there and as soon as he saw me he came over and hugged me and put his arm around me as if to say "She's with me". When he saw me, Paul came over to the table and we started talking. The press row table is a long table and I sat in the second seat from the right leaving space for the owner to come and sit. But since Paul wasn't playing that night, he was able to come and talk for a long time while the other guys warmed up. His assistant coach needed him for a second so I grabbed my book and waited until he came back. Well I guess Jim saw the opportunity and came and sat down in that empty seat, completely blocking where Paul and I had been talking. I didn't say anything I just up up and went to the bathroom. When I came back he was still there but Paul had caled me over to the chairs and started talking. The game ended and Jim insisted on giving me a ride home so I said ok just to get him to stop asking.
When we got outside Paul was waiting for me held out his hand and I shook it. I think he knew that something was up with Jim too but he didn't want to call him on it. So he just said goodbye with another handshake and mouthed that he would call me. On the way to his car Jim said, "I feel like I was in the way. Was I stopping you from something?" Of course I said no because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. The ride home was quiet we ended up listening to the baseball game on the radio. But he did manage to tell me that he had gotten a promotion and that he would be moving. During the game, I stated a fact about one of the payers and he disagreed with it. So he goes, "Do you want to bet dinner on it?" How was I supposed to get out of that one? So reluctantly I said sure.
Don't you know he got in touch with me ASAP to let me know that I was wrong (it was lke a Rain Man moment).
I don't know what to do about this. How do I let him know that I don't want anything more than a friendship with him without hurting his feelings or him going crazy (which I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do)? I mean he's a nice guy, but he kinda borders on stalker. I look forward to seeing what you guys have to say. CIAO!!!
c-ya
luv-ya
Mal

[Andi]

Hey there Newly Charmed,

I'm Andi. I haven't been here in quite awhile, but I try to get on here when I get a chance. Anyway, I'm still a part of this family, so here's my opinion on what you should do with this guy:

First, I'd find out more about him, like has he had any explosive episodes with people who've rejected him? Talk to anyone that knows him, teachers, other friends or people he talks to, whoever he comes into contact with regularly.

Second, if he has had explosive episodes with other people, I'd change my phone number and move if you can, or just hope he doesn't come by your house.

If he HASN'T had any explosive episodes with other people, then I'd just be very honest with him. Be nice, but firm.
Tell him that you think that he's a very nice friend, but that's all, not boyfriend, just friend. If he can't handle that, then I'd just ignore him when he calls or tries to talk to you.

Now, this is just MY opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

Hope I was able to help. You probably already thought of that though. Sometimes, us nice people have to be mean.

Hugs to you
Best of Luck

Let me know what happens. I hope you can find out about him from other people, that might be hard if he doesn't have any other friends or any family members around. Oh, maybe you could just non-chalantly ask him what the name of the Mental Instituion was and maybe ask why he was there. Of course you can't say, "I'm just wondering if he's going to kill me or not", but you can say that you're an employer or something so that they give you the info.
Now, I don't condone deceitfulness, but in this case, it's necessary to get the info. that you need. Good Luck.

[~*~Kit_The_Kat~*~]

Mal, first and foremost, I was getting chills reading what you wrote. (chills, not in a good sense) I personally am a very friendly and out going person as well as try to look out for another persons feelings, but I would not under any circumstances be alone with this guy "Jim" in any future time frame if I were you.... I personally saw some major red flags come up (you know which ones, because you sensed them too) when reading your story. That's just my take on it. Find some gentle PUBLIC way to let him down easy and from that point on DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES find yourself alone with him. I just get a bad feeling and even though I don't know you that well and have just met you, I care about you because you are a kindred spirit here at this board and we all try to look out for one another because that is in our nature (I think that's why we've all become such good friends). I know it's your call sweetie, but I just thought I'd add my two cents in. PLEASE, PLEASE be careful. I wish Andi were here so she could give her take on your situation.... she's so good at reading into situations and giving excellant advice.

THANK GOODNESS!! Andi was posting her response while I was still writing!! Thanks Andi!! Gosh it's good to have you back Andi..... you've been missed sooooooooooooooooooooo much!!